If I had a clearly defined answer to this question I wouldn't be here now. This is new territory for me, all I do know is that I need help. This is what I know so far and I will update this list as I go.
What Helps Me
1) Stories of real life long-term survivors. I need to see the other side, and have faith that this horrific treatment process works. Stories about 50+ yr cancer survivors, who although it took several years to ultimately find peace, lived the rest of her life with a a smile on her face. Stories about the friend of a friend who was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 31, hadn't yet had kids, underwent chemo, radiation, and 5 years of tamoxifen which was sure to leave her sterile, and now in her late 30's actually conceived and is due to have a baby in less than a month.
2) Bring me and my family healthy food. Even though my MIL Pam is here to help, it's one less chore to deal with and leaves more time and energy for good things. We have an account set up on the following food prep scheduling website: http://www.takethemameal.org/. The password is kindig.
What Doesn't Help Me
1) Don't tell me that you or a loved one worked and/or continued to train/run/ride during chemo; it makes me feel like I'm failing. Not all chemo is created equal nor is any one person's response to it. Google Melissa Etheridge, a bad ass and amazing woman, and see her description of chemo. In 2005 she battled breast cancer and went through the same chemo regimen that I am on now, she made it through 5 of the 8 cycles and quit after that. Quitting chemo is a thought that goes through my head every day.
2) Don't tell me about what short and long-term side effect you or a loved one experienced while on chemo. I'm living the horrible short term side effects and live in fear of the long-term ones. I know you're trying to commiserate with me, but it isn't actually helpful for me.
As a side note, I know many of people have offered to help with childcare. So far I've taken up very few offers and want to offer somewhat of an explanation for that. We especially have lots of offers for playdates for Reese which is a dilemma that any parent of more than one child will understand. Reese is 5 (almost 6), has an established set of friends, has no problems separating from her parents, and for the most part is a very amicable and easy kid to have over. Nash isn't quite there yet. He just turned 3, is still mastering the potty, is just now starting to play with friends instead of beside friends, and now that he has started preschool is starting to make his own friends. This doesn't mean that he doesn't LOVE playdates. The problem comes when sissy goes on playdates and he feels left out and we're left with an emotional little boy who asks "where's sissy?" the entire time she is away. Playdates for Reese alone give her the social interaction that she deserves, but at a time when we need help it doesn't really lighten the load for Ryan and I.
Hey - I'm just seeing and reading some of these back posts. So glad you are being straightforward with what you need, what is helpful versus not. I feel so sad that we are not there to lighten the load and take both of your beautiful kids off your hands (despite Nash's bumps and bruises with me!). I know you know it, but I'm just really sorry I can't help. Thinking of you and your awesome family daily. You can do it.
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