Why Blog?

Because chemo is breaking me.

When I was diagnosed and began treatment several people suggested a CaringBridge (or other) blog site to journal and efficiently keep family and friends informed. Being a private person I was reluctant to blog about this. Also, I'm self conscious of my writing and I didn't want a any written hard evidence out there with ridiculous and depressing subject matter. Have you ever read an old journal? Yuck, don't do it. Just burn it.

The third round of chemo broke me. I found myself crying, laying in bed for days feeling physical and emotional pain. I called a social worker who I've seen in person since. She used words like anxiety and depression to describe me - words I'm not used to hearing. I hold things in. This is also hard for my family and friends who care who don't hear from me for days until I reach a breaking point. So I am going to take her advice and put things out there to see if it helps.

Starting on Wednesday when I get nailed again I will try to provide regular, shorter posts to describe how my day went. I hope it helps my friends and family better understand what is really going on, that it will help me release a little, and that someone will occasionally have a bright idea and words of encouragement that will help keep me going. Since my recent Facebook post when I was in the thick of the chemo and broke down a bit, I've received daily FB messages, txt messages, e-mail, and mail with words of support. Your words often make me cry, but they help me release emotions too and they help. So thank you.