You'd think that I'd be thrilled that the chemo is over, and I am, but I'm far from being in any state of jubilation. My discussion with the nurse practitioner awakened a sleeping giant and I am still struggling with turning the waterworks off. I'm angry that my doctor was not available for my last pre-chemo appointment as he knows me better and probably would have known that he was walking into a mine field by bringing up some of the things she did. It really could have waited until my next appointment in a few weeks after I'm through the worst of the physical issues from the chemo. She really should have just let me rejoice in the accomplishment of finishing chemo.
It's not sobbing, I just can't get my eyes to stop watering with emotion. It's been awhile since I've cried and I suppose maybe it's healthy to release some of these emotions. I've spent the last several months shelving many emotions just to get through the chemo and now I'm moving on to the next phases. My treatment and recovery are not over, far from it. It's going to take years to learn how to cope and carry on with the "high risk" label because of my diagnosis at a young age and all the recommendations that go with it.
Sorry such a buzzkill. The only bright side that I have to report is that after several weeks of Lilly sleeping in a new nest in the back of our closet, last night she decided to snuggle up and spoon with me all night long. Nice to have the company during a restless night. Pets truly are amazing.
When people suck...turn to animals.
ReplyDeleteYou've got enough on your plate right now so keep future crap set aside and deal with what is right in front of you. Recover from this last round of chemo. Cry. Rest. Recoup a bit.You've got plenty of time to deal with the rest. You so badly wanted to be done with chemo. And now you are. Huge hugs.
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